temris

I don't think I'll be buying a new graphics tablet. That thing was probably the only reason why I convinced myself that I could draw. Maybe it stopping working is a hayır, and now I can for real give up on art. I still can't help myself and doodle, sketch; because that's all I know what to do, just like old men going out on walks with a full suit on a weekday noon. I have never learned otherwise...

Besides, I still have my colored pencils, pens, inkpens and all my traditional art tools I have ignored mostly. I can use them now if I really need to draw. And who knows? Maybe I can actually manage it. With the way AI is ruining what we love(d), traditional feels like a safe haven.

Any of you thrifters out there, help needed.

I have used about three PCs in my life and all of them were desktop PCs. I have managed to save up a little sum of money and I plan on buying a secondheld laptop for mainly office use.

I know almost nothing to the hardware side of laptops and what to ask for when buying used laptops. So I'd appreciate if anyone has any tips!

Also, a question: When I had a PC without an external graphics card, Steam wouldn't launch some of the games even though the specs I had back then exceeded the minimums of those games. Because when I tried to launch outside of Steam, they would work!! So I wanted to ask if that would be a problem if I get one with an integrated graphics card.

I was thinking about Augustus -- as I do often 😭. I've been rotating him on my mind ever since his character reveal for Civ7. It's kind of funny, because while being very interested in history ever since I've known myself, I've never been too into Ancient Rome stuff. (Leaving that story away for another time.) Anyway, I felt like I needed to write down something to show my appreciation for Roddy McDowall's performance in Cleopatra (1963).

Among all the adaptations of him I've seen; I think Roddy McDowall's portrayal is still the best one. He just gives that annoying little b-tch energy just so well. I can't explain it otherwise. His dialogue is also written accordingly. I LOVE the scene where he talks with Cleopatra and says sth like, "You need not bow your head before Caesar". THAT'S JUST SO HIM HAHAA.

And apparently, he was supposed to be nominated for the Best Supporting Actor, but FOX fumbled and accidentally sent his name for the Best Actor category instead. 🤦‍♀️ Man was robbed.

And I honestly don't know if I've won yet. I'm trying. But you know, it gets tiring. You look to your side table full of different medicines, and wonder if it truly is living when your body is sustainable only with them. 😔
There are people who have it worse though, and I'm still breathing and walking, eating at the very least. I have a bed to sleep on.
And at least it didn't happen when I had so many freelance work like last fall and had to finish them because of the deadline. 😭"

I've never really had a romantic crush, but lately I've been going through a serious friendship crush. Although I'm still not sure if it's really the case.

There's a girl (1) that I really want to get to know more, but I don't want to push myself on anybody. Now that I'm typing this here, I realized that there's not much that I know about her; so maybe it's only because of that? But she seems really kind and nice, and I've helped her during PC class and she was so nice AHH IDK! 😭

THE THING IS -- From the first week or the second, I wanted to get more familiar with another artist (2) in my class. I've beaten my anxiety and initiated the first conversation by asking about her art (that is really pretty). I thought we hit off quite well, but for the next days she didn't even say "hello" to me; in contrast to the other few I talk to.

And when things like this happen, I always blame myself. Is that me being demanding unfairly? But she always says that she's an introvert; but I feel like she just... doesn't know how to "care" about people. Or maybe, I'm just not a person she sees at that level yet? Things like these have occupied my mind for so long lately.

I guess it just shows one thing: It was only me who wanted that to become a friendship. Every little talk we've had (maybe full on four times 😂) I was the one who initiated those. How embarrassing to be the one to try so hard...😔

Anyway -- because of this failed ignition of a friendship attempt, I'm more wary of initiating conversations with the people I find interesting in class; mainly the girl (1) I talked in the beginning. There's another guy "acquaintance" who's really nice too. I'd love to call him a friend, but I try not to get too pushy the same way. He's sort of shy and I am too, so we can't talk much HAHA! I don't know if that makes me seem like I don't care, but I just don't want to bother anybody... 😭 I thought I annoyed him last week because we didn't speak a word between each other for a full on week, and it was like a weight was taken off my shoulders when he greeted me a few mornings ago LOL. I'm thinking too much.

How do you deal with these friendship crushes if you've had any? And how do you try again?