temris

The weather has been swinging between cold and hot these past few days. I went out to the further sections of the city where I usually don't go to, went on a boat and visited some 15th century mosques today; but the wind has gotten to my already-kind-of-allergy-sick body. Right now, I'm feeling a bit dizzy, and it won't be surprising to feel feverish soon. I popped up some ibuprofen but still.

Also, I bought a Spanish grammar book for ₺200+ than it's worth on website. I don't know why I did it. This is a huge problem I have with myself. When a shopkeeper talks with me, and spends their time listening to me, I feel inclined to buy whatever. I actually didn't buy the book on the website because I thought it was too expensive !! LIKE??

From the start of the day, everything that could go wrong went wrong: No bread in the morning, dropped my wallet, the ATM sucked up my card, I tried to call my sister 15 times (to confirm if what I'd bought for her was accurate) and she wouldn't respond, and then I cried. After that, when that bookshop keeper talked with me, I think that's got to do with that...

I have midterms after eid break, I feel kind of ready, but I missed drawing digitally. Thinking of opening comms after, and I gave a promise to a friend from school that I will show her around the city since it's her first time here! Hopefully that will go well.

Finals are finally over, and I understand what y'all were complaining about all this time... It can really be that deep 😔

While I was battling my exam demons, I realized lots of people participated and sent many entries for various challenges here and it's been a delight to read them today. I would have loved to join for some of them, but I probably can't commit to it much - and when I can't participate well enough in something I promised to take part in, I feel guilty and as if I don't belong there.

It's only been two days since I've been free, but I was able to draw again. I still have lots of wips waiting to be finished. Besides that, I also continued to write that Chreon fic that's been cooking for so long (that it's basically burnt to death atp ??).

I also played Kingdom Come: Deliverance after MONTHS. Unfortunately, the motion sickness is still a problem for me, even after I've added many mods to fix as much as I can. I now added a new FOV mod, and even if that doesn't help, I'm just going to give up. It's literally so, so bad. I have to take a break every 30 mins, my head gets dizzy and I feel like puking. It makes me so sad because I loved the concept, and the game even with its flaws. Henry and Hans were so cute ;_; But I guess, just like RE6, I'll just have to shelve them it seems.

I've never really had a romantic crush, but lately I've been going through a serious friendship crush. Although I'm still not sure if it's really the case.

There's a girl (1) that I really want to get to know more, but I don't want to push myself on anybody. Now that I'm typing this here, I realized that there's not much that I know about her; so maybe it's only because of that? But she seems really kind and nice, and I've helped her during PC class and she was so nice AHH IDK! 😭

THE THING IS -- From the first week or the second, I wanted to get more familiar with another artist (2) in my class. I've beaten my anxiety and initiated the first conversation by asking about her art (that is really pretty). I thought we hit off quite well, but for the next days she didn't even say "hello" to me; in contrast to the other few I talk to.

And when things like this happen, I always blame myself. Is that me being demanding unfairly? But she always says that she's an introvert; but I feel like she just... doesn't know how to "care" about people. Or maybe, I'm just not a person she sees at that level yet? Things like these have occupied my mind for so long lately.

I guess it just shows one thing: It was only me who wanted that to become a friendship. Every little talk we've had (maybe full on four times 😂) I was the one who initiated those. How embarrassing to be the one to try so hard...😔

Anyway -- because of this failed ignition of a friendship attempt, I'm more wary of initiating conversations with the people I find interesting in class; mainly the girl (1) I talked in the beginning. There's another guy "acquaintance" who's really nice too. I'd love to call him a friend, but I try not to get too pushy the same way. He's sort of shy and I am too, so we can't talk much HAHA! I don't know if that makes me seem like I don't care, but I just don't want to bother anybody... 😭 I thought I annoyed him last week because we didn't speak a word between each other for a full on week, and it was like a weight was taken off my shoulders when he greeted me a few mornings ago LOL. I'm thinking too much.

How do you deal with these friendship crushes if you've had any? And how do you try again?

These past few days have passed by very quickly. When I return home from class, I spend my free time doing my homework and after that I just sleep. I have two days where I have an 8AM class... (╯▔皿▔)╯ It's not waking up early that bothers me, I think I'm an early bird actually. It's the crowded bus that takes forever to arrive that annoys me! I keep getting sick because of this, because it's very windy in the early hours in the area I wait for it. I usually have to wait at least 30 minutes standing up (there's no bus stop bench because there's a construction going on) and it arrives with basically no place to even breathe. Even thinking about it right now got on my nerves ;; So I try to get up at 4AM to catch the 6AM bus, but then I have to wait for two hours at the school... yeah... (* ￣︿￣)

Anyway, I wanted to write here a bit to cool off my anger about this issue. Other than that, I'm pretty okay with school now I think. (Maybe dealing with teenagers is a bit annoying sometimes, but it's temporary...!) And I absolutely love writing papers tbh! At least so far...?? I don't know, I really like researching haha! The only problem is I can't find enough time usually, so I try to do it in the school's library.

I played only TS4 this week. (KCD is kind of a bother to me lately because it keeps making me motion sick. 😭 I miss Henry boy!) I made my OC Nikša and his wife Jelena and they both turned super cute, so I've been dealing with them for a while now.

Aside from that, I have good news: I was able to nearly finish the outline for the Chris/Leon WW1!AU fic I've mentioned here before. I still have one block in the road that I need to cross, and I'd love to get any helping hand to talk about it.

Question too: Does anyone know any good photo storaging website to use here? I don't want to keep uploading them to imgbox...

I've actually had a long post ready, but I accidentally closed the tab while typing. I saved it as a private post, so the autosave wasn't working either. And since it was too long, I didn't want to write it all over again.

It's just that I've been through a very tiring week going through two sicknesses, barely recovering from one -- the other has been killing me since the start of August. I also complained a lot about the prices of medication, and I had to work (thankfully, from my desk at home but I couldn't even keep my head up, and right after I threw up) with a fever to be able to compensate the cost -- to top it all, I took three different exams on three different days to pass the prepatory year for the university (I hope I pass...) so that means: more to pay for transportation. Imagine my annoyance at this week!

Thankfully it's over for now. I have to renew my bus card since I'm a student again (still feels very weird, and I re-thought my choice a lot) but I have to use the card again to get to the place where I can renew it... So it's again going from my wallet... *sigh*

I just want to crawl up on my bed and don't get up.